GTFOutback

Laura (of White Babes With Ginseng Monthly fame) and I both have a Monday half-day, so between the end of our 10AM-1PM intensive classes and the start of our 7:30-10:30 classes we decided to enjoy lunch at Outback Steakhouse. We were anxious to try their "unlimited lunch special." Instead we got unlimited irritation.

At foreign-owned restaurants like Bennigan's, McDonald's, and Outback, they tend to have a server who speaks some English. Presumably this is to cater to us foreigners who need a break from the pig-parts stew (see above link). Accordingly, our server - whose name was ♥Rosa♥ according to the receipt, but since it was a dude, I highly doubt it - attempted to address us in our first language. He was willing, but limited, and proceeded to annoy the crap out of us for an hour and a half.

The problem started when he took our order. The lunch special purported to offer you the choice of "Ade" drinks - lemonade, mangoade, strawberryade, etc. - or soft drinks. Laura, as a resident of New Bern, North Carolina, the birthplace of Pepsi, attempted to order the latter. Rosa apparently thought this was impossible, and the two debated the issue for a good five minutes before Laura finally succumbed and ordered a cola in addition to her strawberryade. Also, he seemed to struggle with the concept of "medium rare," which was odd as you'd think that would be the ONE thing they'd really want their foreigner-friendly waiter to understand at a steakhouse. Laura illustrated the progression of rare-medium rare - medium - medium well - well done on an imaginary step ladder.

The main issue with Rosa is that he visited our table about a dozen times. Sometimes, the visits were the standard waiter fare of "How is everything? Can I get you anything else?" Some were pleasantly helpful, such as when I asked for ketchup for my coconut onion rings and he also delivered a tasty sweet Thai chili sauce. Others were just unnecessary, like when he asked whether or not we liked our free bread; it was good apart from the weird strawberry-flavored butter it came with. And when he started offering Laura advice on how to eat her sweet potato ("If you mix the butter and the potato, it will be more delicious!") it bordered on offensive. She's from the South! She knows how to eat a damn sweet potato!

By the end of the meal, we were desperate to get the check and bolt. Our ordeal was not over, though. Rosa proceeded to stand next to me and minutely analyze the price of each item on the receipt. To his credit, I don't think he charged us for the extra Pepsi. Laura handed him her debit card, but he was back seconds later asking if we had any kind of discount card; we didn't. Finally, she signed the receipt and we fled the scene like characters in a bad action movie.

James: "GO! GO! GO!"

Laura: "Don't you want your leftovers?"

James: "THERE'S NO TIME!"

Oh well. We got a good story out of it, and I'm sure we made Rosa's day. Just don't go to the Tanbangdong Outback for lunch if you're in a hurry!