The Ultimate Insult

As I've described before, boys and girls are extremely reluctant to work with each other here. This is why one of my students was reduced to tears recently. He fancies himself something of a class clown, but generally he just irritates his fellow pupils to the point that they tell him to shut up and work. It all came back to bite him last week when his partner for a group project declared that he would rather work with the girls. This was too much for the would-be funnyman, who completely shut down and started crying. I took him outside and told him that if he quit goofing off and worked harder then people would be more willing to work with him.

Really though, the girls are much smarter in this class, so I wasn't surprised.

Corrupting the Elderly

After physical therapy today I was waiting at one of Daejeon's interminable crosswalks. I decided to crack open the book I had been reading on the treatment table. As I did, a kind elderly Korean gentleman walked up behind me and asked, in English, "What is the name of the book?" Generally, I would be proud to show off the fact that I was reading a tome on evolutionary biology by the respected writer Jared Diamond.

Unfortunately, the title of the book is "Why is Sex Fun?"

The old man read the title and walked away, chuckling to himself.

My Kids Lose Respect for Me

Baseball season recently started here, and I told my kids I was looking forward to my first Hanwha Eagles game. They asked if I was a baseball fan, and they also asked who my favorite player is. Given the historical animosity between Japan and Korea, and the recent World Baseball Classic final defeat, I knew that mentioning Seattle's talismanic outfielder would be a mistake.

"You don't want to know," I replied.

"Who?" they pressed.

"You don't want to know." But they figured it out.

"Ichiro?"

"Yes."

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH."

They knew he plays for the Seattle Mariners though, which I think let me off the hook a bit.

The Hardest Word My Students Will Ever Learn

At one point in a recent reading, the word "thunk" was used to describe the sound of a hatch on a submarine closing. A student asked me what this word means. I explained to him that it was a word that is designed to imitate a sound, like buzz, drip, or hiss. I also told the class that if they could tell me the word that describes this concept, I would give them an A+ on their next test.

Unfortunately, nobody came up with "onomatopoeia."

Potty Mouth

I'm presently in the middle of my worst class. They are lower-level middle school kids, which means they've basically given up any hope of learning English and just want to socialize with each other. Today, things hit a new low. During the weekly review test, one of my students (who I would charitably describe as dumber than a bucket of hair) decided to leave the entire test blank except for a series of expletives at the top, including variants of the f-word, the d-word, and the h-word. Needless to say, I kicked him out of class and had the Korean staff call his parents.

I need to ask if I can legally wash his mouth out with soap in this country.

April Fooling

Today I pranked my classes like they've never been pranked before. I told them they were having a pop quiz that would help to decide whether or not they would advance to the next level. I then gave them the below quiz.

Many of them protested that they had never seen the words before; I told them they probably didn't work hard enough on their online homework. After the inevitable failing grades, I told them they probably wouldn't advance with scores like that.

Then, I explained the concept of April 1, and they wanted to kill me. But they had to admit it was a good prank.

Gastronomic Odyssey

Brenda and I took a weekend trip to Seoul. Our story was that we were going to see the zoo, buy books, and attend a going away party. In actuality, our main goal was eating like pigs. We had three targets: the Hard Rock Cafe, a Turkish kebab, and above all, Mexican food.

We went directly to the zoo, where we were in for quite a hike. The Seoul Grand Park Zoo is pretty large, and follows a twisting pattern up the side of a large hill. I got to see my favorite animals (the elephants) but Brenda was disappointed because they were renovating the gorilla exhibit. We worked up quite an appetite and headed for Itaewon, the main haunt of the foreigners in Seoul.

We went directly to the Hard Rock Cafe, only to find that it was closed due to electrical and water problems. Disappointing, but realistically if they're experiencing difficulties with the sewage I don't want to partake of their cuisine. As a result, we decided to find the Mexican joint. Thanks to confusing directions from another blog (which shall remain nameless), we didn't find it, though we were accosted a half-dozen times by gentlemen offering custom-tailored suits. We settled for Outback when Brenda seemed to be close to fainting.

We found a hotel and splurged on the "deluxe" room because we weren't in the mood to find a cheaper hotel. It was quite nice, with a big screen TV right in front of our bed. After a quick nap we headed for a few drinks at an American style bar . . . and walked right past two Mexican places. D'oh. It was good to visit a full bar, and Brenda was delighted to find her favorite Red Bull-centric drinks. I, too, was excited to finally enjoy a Jaeger Bomb. We then grabbed that late-night lamb kebab on route to meet up with some other teachers. It was delicious.

The next day we grabbed a few books at What the Book?, then hit up the Mexican place. Given the poor quality of Korea's tomatoes (and therefore their salsa) and the fact that the fried rice wasn't really worthy of the name, I don't think the joint would last 5 minutes in Seattle. But when you haven't had a taco in four months, and haven't had Chorizo sausage EVER, it hit the spot. We then went to the massive COEX Mall, where we bought a few more books and Brenda challenged me to read Faulker . . . which I accepted. We also ran into my head instructor Brian and his girlfriend. In a city of 12 million, we ran into people we knew from Daejeon. Small world.

We headed home satiated, though somewhat disappointed we couldn't find room for Cold Stone Creamery.