The Word Feared Throughout Asia

There is an observation (stereotype?) that people from Asian countries have difficulty distinguishing between the "L" sound and the "R" sound. As far as Korea goes, I can tell you this stems from the fact that they have only one letter, "ㄹ", which is about halfway between "R" and "L." So today I felt very cruel when I had to explain the word "rural" to my students.

I did, however, spare them from the title of the 30 Rock recurring gag, The Rural Juror.

The Ultimate Insult

As I've described before, boys and girls are extremely reluctant to work with each other here. This is why one of my students was reduced to tears recently. He fancies himself something of a class clown, but generally he just irritates his fellow pupils to the point that they tell him to shut up and work. It all came back to bite him last week when his partner for a group project declared that he would rather work with the girls. This was too much for the would-be funnyman, who completely shut down and started crying. I took him outside and told him that if he quit goofing off and worked harder then people would be more willing to work with him.

Really though, the girls are much smarter in this class, so I wasn't surprised.

Corrupting the Elderly

After physical therapy today I was waiting at one of Daejeon's interminable crosswalks. I decided to crack open the book I had been reading on the treatment table. As I did, a kind elderly Korean gentleman walked up behind me and asked, in English, "What is the name of the book?" Generally, I would be proud to show off the fact that I was reading a tome on evolutionary biology by the respected writer Jared Diamond.

Unfortunately, the title of the book is "Why is Sex Fun?"

The old man read the title and walked away, chuckling to himself.

My Kids Lose Respect for Me

Baseball season recently started here, and I told my kids I was looking forward to my first Hanwha Eagles game. They asked if I was a baseball fan, and they also asked who my favorite player is. Given the historical animosity between Japan and Korea, and the recent World Baseball Classic final defeat, I knew that mentioning Seattle's talismanic outfielder would be a mistake.

"You don't want to know," I replied.

"Who?" they pressed.

"You don't want to know." But they figured it out.

"Ichiro?"

"Yes."

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH."

They knew he plays for the Seattle Mariners though, which I think let me off the hook a bit.

The Hardest Word My Students Will Ever Learn

At one point in a recent reading, the word "thunk" was used to describe the sound of a hatch on a submarine closing. A student asked me what this word means. I explained to him that it was a word that is designed to imitate a sound, like buzz, drip, or hiss. I also told the class that if they could tell me the word that describes this concept, I would give them an A+ on their next test.

Unfortunately, nobody came up with "onomatopoeia."

Potty Mouth

I'm presently in the middle of my worst class. They are lower-level middle school kids, which means they've basically given up any hope of learning English and just want to socialize with each other. Today, things hit a new low. During the weekly review test, one of my students (who I would charitably describe as dumber than a bucket of hair) decided to leave the entire test blank except for a series of expletives at the top, including variants of the f-word, the d-word, and the h-word. Needless to say, I kicked him out of class and had the Korean staff call his parents.

I need to ask if I can legally wash his mouth out with soap in this country.

April Fooling

Today I pranked my classes like they've never been pranked before. I told them they were having a pop quiz that would help to decide whether or not they would advance to the next level. I then gave them the below quiz.

Many of them protested that they had never seen the words before; I told them they probably didn't work hard enough on their online homework. After the inevitable failing grades, I told them they probably wouldn't advance with scores like that.

Then, I explained the concept of April 1, and they wanted to kill me. But they had to admit it was a good prank.